his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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