I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This baby is an asshole
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
