I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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