Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
