This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
