Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
