The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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