Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
