I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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