Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
