halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
