well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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