Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
