you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
