we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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