the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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