Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
