I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
