BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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