I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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