I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
