Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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