When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
