New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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