barbara walters just said penis...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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