are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
