____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
