After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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