Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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