When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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