I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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