Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
did i just pee glitter
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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