after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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