Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
