i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
