she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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