If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
