my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
