I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
