May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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