He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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