apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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