If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
