when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
