he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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