just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
