watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
