The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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