Whats the glycemic index on semen?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
