You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
