it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
