Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
