I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love having hate sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
