God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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