I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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