I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
