Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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