ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
