Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
