Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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