So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize