I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
