and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
