I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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