I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
