I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
