Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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