i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
