I want to walk on stilts...naked
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
