I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
