Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
