Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
