It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
