I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
