Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
