Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
